She Who Should Be Obeyed came over all ‘clucky’ in time for Easter last year and decided to invite all her friends kids round for an Easter Egg hunt in the garden followed by a big roast dinner on Easter Sunday.
Jess (old Big Ears) and I thought this was a top plan as we love kids, being in the garden, roast dinner left overs and the extra walks we are sent on to get rid of the children out of the house when the ‘responsible adults’ have had too much food and wine. Because we don’t have opposable thumbs and any common sense us woofers aren’t allowed to help and SWSBO starts preparing for these occasions at a very early hour. After she had peeled and chopped enough vegetables for a huge army she hid lots of chocolate eggs up the garden and then went off to make a pudding.
It was a nice day so the back door was open and I thought I would go out for a spot of sniffing, digging and general mooching about. Big Ears laid and sighed in her basket because she can be a bit dull like that, so I went on my own. Now, what happened next isn’t really my fault… what is a dog to do faced with lots and lots of lovely chocolate eggs, wrapped in sparkly foil, in all sorts of challenging places? And it smelled at me…. calling me…. wafting lovely forbidden food smells everywhere I went…
When all the guests arrived everyone was plied with drink, nibbles and, as usual, SWSBO forgot to put the veg on, then left them on too long, made lumpy gravy and discovered that the lamb was indeed pink, borderline raw. Everyone sat down at the table and told her is was delicious, even though you could tell it wasn’t as no-one had seconds and the kids flatly refused any of her soggy vegetable offerings and Big Ears and I sat under the table to make sure that the scraps were taken to all the right places after they had finished.
It was just as they started to eat pudding, which one of the others had brought so it was going down well, I came over a bit peculiar. I kept quiet and laid in my basket and hoped the feeling would pass…. Everyone went out in the garden to find the Easter Eggs but I decided not to help on account of not feeling my usual chipper self. Next thing you know SWSBO is screaming ‘Digby!!! You little (I’m not sure what the word meant but I knew it was not a good one)…..!!!!! To be frank I felt so bad I didn’t care and stayed put… only to be thrown in the back of the car. Whilst being driven at some considerable speed for what seemed like miles while Auntie Caroline made desperate phone calls on the way. If that wasn’t bad enough we ended up at the nasty vets…the ones who keep you in and cause SWSBO to curse a lot when she brings you home. They gave me an injection which made me very sick. Then they stuck a needle in my leg, taped it to my fur and made me sleep in a cage all night.
On the way home all she kept saying was ‘£480… for an Easter Egg hunt; £480!!!!’ Not once did she ask me how I was, comfort me after having to sleep in a cage all night with lots of other moaning cats and dogs around me….. And do you know what? It was her fault, not mine… Easter eggs should be kept out of the way of us dogs, they call to us and we can’t help it… we have to eat them even though they are poisonous….
By the way, when SWSBO took the picture of Big Ears and the eggs I wasn’t allowed in the room. as she said I couldn’t be trusted…. but if you look closely even Goody Two Shoes has her tongue out….
Woof and Wags!