I was due to jet off to the sun and thought I’d test the gizmo’s out one night whilst the kids we’re enjoying the mini disco. After a few Sangria’s the seal would need to be broken. The team and I have decided that we would actually let you read the real time messages between me and the rest of the girls to get a true picture of what actually goes on in our secret room…
Vix I have pissed all over myself!!!
Vix Oh god! I am crying with laughter.
Rosie Nooo! I am wetting myself.
Penny Oh god… It does say to practice in the shower first!!!! How many sangria so did it take?
Vix 3! You filled me with a false sense of hope Penny, so I went for it. My Birkenstocks have been violated.
Penny I only had a moderate pee!!!! I am now worrying that they may be ‘bits shape specific’. I love this job!!!
Vix Maybe they should have a **clause …. For those pissing like a racehorse please purchase the Fanny Deluxe version.
Penny PMSL! We would choose the first night with our new team member for this! lol!!!
Vix At least she’ll know exactly what she’s letting herself in for.
Vix The seal is broken so I’ll give it another 15 mins before I have to go again. I may disrobe at that point.
Penny I am so glad you paid for some internet connection.. you have made my evening!!!
Penny Just press it up against your parts quite firmly and put your knees against the toilet bowl!
Vix It’s quite liberating! Part 2 of the mission is tomorrow night… Getting the kids to take pictures of me using it.
Rosie Oh my god this is too funny. Don’t hate me but Woody is loving the Fanny Deluxe!
Vix Hey Woody! *waves a piss ridden hand over to Skye* xxx
Vix Ok, round two…….
Rosie I think I just choked laughing!
Rosie Woody says to stay away from the buffet!
Penny OMFG! You didn’t say we had to take pictures in action!!!!!!
Penny The floodgates have, quite literally, opened.
Penny Is it just me… or are we waiting for her to come back?!
Rosie Has she gone to the men’s?
Rosie This would make a great thread a la mumsnet and the penis beaker. I do wonder if we need a forum on the site?
Vix WTactualF????? I have literally pissed all over the bathroom, mainly because I was laughing so much.
Penny Right, I think I have worked up enough for another go… let’s see what’s going on here….
Vix You’d think after 41 years that I would know where my god damn fanny hole was!
Rosie Maybe it’s the Sangria that’s the problem…..
Penny I find you have to make sure it is firmly placed towards the back, so to speak. Just had another go, and with the exception of minor splashing on the toilet rim and an annoying drip onto my jeans at the end, all was good. No worse than most men in the bathroom. Can only assume it had something to do with the sangria!
Vix I think you may be right Rosie. Maybe I should wait until morning until my fanny hole has relocated to the correct position!
Vix I think I’m so afraid of spillage that I may be holding it too hard
Penny Thank goodness you are not at a family festival with no change of clothes!!!
Penny Firm enough to seal against leaks, but not so hard that you end up with squirting?
Vix I think you’ve hit the nail on the head!
Vix I will of course moderate my language for the future review post!
Rosie Think most readers would rather appreciate the honest nature of this!
Megan I’m not sure what to say!
Vix It’s going to be a joint review with Penny. Could make for funny reading?
Penny I’ve thinking we could base it on this conversation… kind of virtual product testing.
Vix If you’re not quite sure what’s going on Megan, both Piss perfect Penny and my good self have Shewees to review, I also have a Peebol ( a bag to pee ) but I doubt my stomach muscles could take any more laughter tonight. I have been shamed enough.
Penny Megan, I wish I could say that the office s never normally like this..
Rosie Yup. Only on days with a “day” in the name.
Penny Loving my new nickname…PPP has a certain ring to it!
Vix Ah my life! Never a dull moment.
Vix Too funny!
Vix ROFL!!!!! Scarlett has just gone in the bathroom ..
‘Mum, what’s this gadget doing in the sink?’
She can’t understand why I splurted with laughter and told her not to touch it.
Penny Funnily enough, mine is lying in the sink too!
Vix …..is it for your teeth? What the?
Penny Erasing that from my mind before any truly terrible pictures come into it.
Penny I am off to bed now… get back to the Sangria girlfriend… you got some serious practice to get in!!
Vix I’m off to bed too actually, can’t stand the karaoke that just come on. Always a pleasure girls xx x
…and so that was the first night. It didn’t go well BUT the following day I got out of bed and went straight for the
Shewee – It helped that I invoked the spirit of a New York gangster. I just marched right up to the loo, grabbed the
Shewee held it loosely onto my bits, pointed and shot a stream of wee into the bowl like I’d been doing it all my life! I wanted to dash and find Cheerios to perfect my aim but, alas, I washed my plastic penis and went about my day, smugly. I figured that I had actually been trying too hard the night before and I may or may not have been a wee (excuse the pun) bit pissed. Anyway, the uses for this are vast. In my own little world I would 100% use it for camping and festivals – those toilets are sooooooooooooo gross. The last time I went camping I remember grabbing a carrier bag in the middle of the night, lining the bottom of it with wetwipes and then peeing in it rather than make the 5 minute trip in the pouring rain to a stinking toilet block.
You can use the
Shewee in conjunction with the Peebol – together they are a force to be reckoned with and should avoid all embarrassing bare arse situations in the future. My kids have tried it and there is now a space in the car just for these products. To anyone that has been caught short before I urge you to get some of these babies. We are female and it isn’t just a case of shaking it off at the end of a wee, we’ll still have a drip or two to deal with unless you have been super organised and you have tissue with you too. Whichever way you do it, it’s so much better than the alternative. And mark my words, it’s really addictive – you’ll never want to pee sitting down again.
Penny’s side of the story…..
Standing up for Womankind.
I decided the Shewee was the way ahead for me after a drunken conversation in the pub about needing a wee whilst out walking the dogs. It seem the perfect answer to nettle rash on my bottom and being caught mooning as I stood up by my fellow walkers. A friend rushed out and bought one for me… and then it languished for about 2 years in the bathroom cupboard. It had said that I should practice in the shower before taking it on expedition, and every time I got in the shower my mind was on hair washing rather than peeing.
Then we were asked to write a review for TMK…
Sat in our virtual office Vix said that she was trialing hers that evening after a few sangrias so I thought I had better look mine out and finally give it a go. I chose to start my trial when I didn’t really need to pee… just in case of floods.
I didn’t disrobe and get in the shower as suggested on the box, but decided to be brave and just go for it. I clamped the funnel shaped end to my bits and pieces tightly and squared up to the toilet. I was immediately struck by how hard I found it to ‘let go’. I realise this is irrational, after all the newspaper was in place around the toilet bowl and men pee all the time whilst standing, but I was anxious for some reason. This could explain how toddlers feel while being toilet trained… it just wasn’t feeling right. After a good talking to myself I shuffled closer to the toilet and concentrated hard.
Then came my next concern… was my spout long enough? Would the trajectory of the flow reach the loo? There was more to think about than I had realised. I had also forgotten to lift the toilet seat in case of splashes… Time to start again.
Lifting toilet seats? Worrying about the size of it? I was also starting to understand some of the issues facing men!
I reapplied my new appendage having given myself a sharp talking to and remembering some of my lesser well endowed boyfriends managing perfectly well… and release… as slowly as I could manage. To my surprise all was good. A bit splashy but everything was where it should be and not at my feet. I rushed down stairs to share the news with the other TMK girls to find that Vix had not had the same success.
An hour or so later I tried again. More success, which I duly shared with the girls, only to find myself with a new office name – Piss Perfect Penny. So branded by Vix who was still not managing so well.
The next morning, buoyed by my success the night before I tried again. The steady rivulets of my own wee running down my inner thighs onto my feet was a disappointing sight to say the least! Of course being PPP I had removed the newspaper and was now looking at two perfect puddles on my wooden floor. Not good. The Shewee was duly rinsed and out back in the box, I was certainly not feeling confident about any field trials at this point.
Later that evening I was discussing the trials over a curry with some male friends. Howard, an engineer looked at me and said, “Hydraulics, Penny, hydraulics.” And then went about eating his curry. I begged for an explanation. Apparently it’s all to do with the flow and size of aperture. Imagine three funnels with differing sized spouts. If you pour a bucket of water at the same rate into the funnels, the one with the smallest outlet will overflow first whereas the larger one will cope. Easy!
This revelation by Howard has helped enormously. I do not attempt to use my Shewee now first thing in the morning or indeed at anytime where things have become urgent or I know my bladder to be very full. That said, I am enjoying feeling confident that while out with the dogs my bottom will have no more encounters with thistles and stinging nettles. My slight disappointment is that wearing jeans still means that I have to lower them a little at the waist to aid ‘insertion’ but this is nothing like the full moon that I previously had to perform. This could be partly due also to the fact that all my jeans are too tight!
I am now waiting to get caught in traffic for my next test…. but wonder if I can borrow someone elses car for that…..
So, the upshot is that the SHEWEE works. You DO have to practice with it first but once you get it, well, you’ve got it.
To buy your own click
HERE, click the link in the sidebar or click on this
SHEWEE, don’t be shy!
SPECIAL OFFER FOR TMK READERS – 15% off! just put the special code TRULYMADLY2014 at the checkout 🙂
Think big and reach for the stars,
Vix (and Penny)
xxxx
