I have been single for years. Seven or eight years of pleasing myself and hating the whole Valentines Day Thing.


To be frank I think it is just something that has been wound up out of all control by card manufacturers, florists and restaurateurs. I agree in principle that it is nice to stop and show a little love to our partners, although we all know that this should be something done a daily basis, not once a year because the diary says so.

The card manufacturers know that we can’t decide between funny, serious or cute and will probably buy all three. Those with children will buy them from the kids too and teenagers will spend hours looking through them and secretly dying inside at the thought of not receiving one, for heaven’s sake, I have felt like that for the last seven years even though I KNOW for sure I won’t get one!

The florists are working themselves up into a frenzy to make sure they have just the right number of red roses, heart shaped pots and beautiful arrangements that will make every woman swoon. And they will quadruple their prices for their efforts.

Every eatery in town will be fully booked for their very expensive “romantic dinner just for two’ special menu in very crowded surroundings and all the couples there will be checking out the other couples to see who looks the most in love. Babysitters will be clearing their diaries and asking extra because it’s a school night.

You may ask, why is the single St Valentine hater writing about this romantic day of the year? Well, just before Christmas (terrible timing but the present thing was sorted with a frank and honest discussion about not bothering) I managed to secure a boyfriend.

So, with it being early days and all that, I have to take part in all the lovey dovey shenanigans. I will be worrying about whether my card sends out the right message, what level of gift giving will be required and whether I can fit in any of my matching sets of underwear, because, of course, there will be sex, sorry, making love.

If I am honest I am quite looking forward to taking part in it all. I think I will make a card and dazzle him with my thoughtfulness and effort (and it will make a great post for TMK). I shall suggest we eat in for a proper romantic meal for two, without the other couples watching, if the undies don’t fit I shall go commando to try and make out that I am being extra sexy going without (and I will leave my onesie upstairs and out of sight). I am even, at this moment, contemplating getting a pink heart shaped stick on vajazzle off the internet for a bit of a laugh (having one is on my bucket list so that could work well) if I can bear the thought of the regrowth of my fluffy bits afterwards. By the way, shouldn’t it be spelled ‘vagazzle’? My vagina is spelled with a ‘g’!

Bring it on!